I can’t help but think lately about how we make people feel. How people make us feel and why- and when I think of something a lot I need to share…especially at the ass crack of dawn for some reason (it’s currently 4:50 am). It seems to be a very spiritual time period for me, I think the silence clears my head. I’ve realized lately I’ve FINALLY graduated from the prison of caring what people “think” which is more self-involved in nature- do they like ME? What do they think about ME? How does this impact ME?- and moved onto wanting to make sure people FEEL a certain way in my presence. This is very liberating and I’ve always heard it comes with confidence and age and everyone who has told me that is right! For me (mostly… still a work in progress) it’s no longer being worried about others’ impression of me and more concerned with, did I make them feel positively? Am I someone they would choose to be around? Did I impact them in some positive way even if it was simple and seemingly un-important? Did I enrich their lives? And as I’ve discussed before, did I leave them better?
We’ve all been around the people with big egos, the people who say things to make themselves feel big and you feel small, the people who take their insecurities out on you, people who don’t have anything particularly “good” to say, people who are quick to share their judgements and even people who aren’t particularly friendly. For what? Our connection to others is part of our purpose on this planet. What are you trying to gain from making another person feel anything but joy and peace and acceptance and comfort in your presence? What are you winning by making sure others know you’re better than them or your negative opinions about things? These situations leave us feeling drained and icky and wanting to be around that person as little as possible. If you are an empath like me you pick up on peoples’ disposition towards you. This isn’t always a good thing because you might read into everything another person does and says, but hear me when I say it does NOT matter. What matters is what you give. To every person. Every day. And really all of the above labels are really just judgements anyway. Sometimes it’s not about labeling what or why or how someone says and does things. It’s about accepting it for what it is and ending it there. It’s also about being concerned ONLY with what YOU have to give away. This is pure freedom because not one other person will ever have any hold over you, any power or input on your mood or behavior or how your day goes, or most importantly, how you feel about yourself. Being concerned with how what you do and say makes another human being feel, means that you have complete power over your purpose. It means you are living intentionally and from a place of love.
It means being soft instead of hard. It means being peaceful instead of right. It means showing acceptance instead of judgement. It means staying silent when you want to correct (except of course if correcting is genuinely helping with the well-being of another person, then by all means, correct away. I wouldn’t want you to refrain from something like, oh I don’t know, “no sir CPR is done THIS way.”). You feel me? It means forgiveness instead of resentment. It means smiling instead of looking away. It’s asking ALL about someone else instead of making it about you. It’s genuine interest. It’s listening. Its understanding. It’s care and it’s concern. You won’t always get it in return. But that’s ok. When you take your sights off of the end result you magically get all of the same good feels back that you put out. Being kind for some reason other than JUST BEING KIND isn’t kind. It’s manipulative and it serves your Ego. Serve your heart, serve your purpose, serve others.
I’m sure I fall short from time to time, never intentionally, I’m human and make mistakes, but it is honestly one of my main goals with all of my encounters. How did I make that person feel? How did my energy and what I gave to the conversation or encounter better their lives and their outlook on the world? Trust me it isn’t always my first impulse. I have negative thoughts and feelings like most of us, but I’ve learned to figure out where they come from, understand them, accept them, let them go and never to have them negatively impact others. I make sure to talk about this with my kids, but most importantly I hope they see who I am. And I hope, more than anyone, I make them feel in a way that makes them always want to be around me. And not now….right now we’re good, they are all up in my grill 24/7….but later, ya know, when they have other choices 😉
The Enlightened Mama