Archive | October 2015

You Can Have It All! Just Not At The Same Time.


I’ve started to say no to things lately. Not like a negative no (yeah I know that’s an oxymoron), but more of a “I’m taking my life back” no. Every now and then when you feel resentful of your commitments or completely depleted of your creative energy it’s time to examine the way you are living your life. I like to think I’m a person who lives life on my own terms but I also have a lot of passion. With that passion comes this little voice inside my head that wants me to do it ALL. All of the time. Combine that with an underlying need to please and one can really exhaust themselves.

I remember something Oprah said when she had her talk show that really stuck with me. And yes I know I reference Oprah all the time, but she totally gets “it.” I believe the discussion was about the fact that she had this big, grand, over the top life but did not have any children, something of course that she decided was best for herself, and she said “you can have it all…just not at the same time.” This little piece of advice has lead me to make so pretty big decisions in my life and more than that be at peace with them. A major one regarding my work choices. I love my chosen career as an Occupational Therapist, but RIGHT now, I’m want to stay home and raise my kids. Sure the luxury of two incomes would be fabulous, but I can have that at another time too. I mean while we’re at it, I also love the idea of sleep. BUT more than that I want to raise a big family, so RIGHT now, that choice puts a damper on those zzz’s. That’ll come later too, and probably a lot sooner than my mind can comprehend. Obviously the choice is different for everyone and I’m sure there are a lot of people that are much better at balancing than me. No one can say what the choice should be for others. We all bring different talents and passions to this world and that’s what makes it go ’round.

This sage advice leads me back to what I’m feeling right now. I have a lot of roles in my life and that’s great but for me personally when I feel like my energy levels for my main role as mom to 4 small kids (and ALL that goes with that) are depleted, I need to re-examine what I’m doing. Like what is the point of me staying home with them if I have my hand in a million different things all of which take the energy I need to be an engaged parent? And it’s not like I’m saying you should say no to everything and only commit yourself to one thing, that would be unrealistic, I’m just saying that when you feel resentful over commitments to people and things I think that’s your subconscious mind alerting you to the fact that your energy is best spent some place else. Some people need to have a busy, big, full life to feel alive…but if you are so worn out from things that don’t fulfill you that it leaves little to give to the things that do fulfill you, time to make a change. And what fulfills you can change daily…just go with it.

I don’t completely have those rose colored glasses super glued to my face. I get that there are jobs and other commitments that people can’t give up given their current situation. I just think that every day you should center yourself and examine if there are things in your life that you give your time and energy to that just aren’t worth it. And maybe there is a bigger picture that will take time to work towards, just align your actions with that and it will surely manifest.

I remember reading somewhere that when what you believe to be true in your heart and what you DO do not match, that will be your biggest source of stress and unhappiness. Find what makes your heart sing and TRY to give your energy to that. It’s about the small decisions every day that make you a loving, giving, fulfilled person. It doesn’t have to be about exhausting your heart and soul. And for me, even if some days my only loving actions all day are raising decent people to send out into this world, well then cheers to THAT.

The Enlightened Mama

This entry was posted on October 30, 2015. 2 Comments

Honoring A Loss

I’ve always been a super positive person, and when it wasn’t coming so naturally I tried really, really hard. I try to live my life with so much gratitude that I think sometimes I tend to forbid myself from speaking of or sharing any pain. It’s not that I don’t feel it, it’s just that I prefer to give my energy to the positives. It’s almost as if I KNOW that I am so incredibly blessed that it’s just not right to feel anything but that…and it’s definitely not right to talk about it.

This post I write today is something only those closest to me know. Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and I owe it to myself and to anyone else it may help to share it. I like so many of you, have lost a pregnancy. I suffered the pain and sorrow of a lost dream. I felt the emotional and the physical trauma that goes with it. I feel no shame in THAT whatsoever. The shame I feel is that I rarely, if ever, share it with anyone.

I’ve told myself that I don’t get to have any grief because others have suffered so much more than me. I have 4 healthy, beautiful children so, “who am I to feel any sorrow over this?” I’ve told myself that others have lost a pregnancy further along than me so I don’t get to feel the same way. I’ve told myself that I’ve never struggled with fertility issues so I REALLY don’t get to feel the same way. I’ve told myself it was my second pregnancy. It was completely unplanned. It was when my son was just 4 months old. I’ve told myself that I should really just feel blessed for what I already had and still have.

But truth be told, that baby was wanted and I mourned a loss. Regardless of what else I had or have in my life, or the fact that it was in my first trimester, or the fact that I’ve gone on to have 3 more healthy pregnancies…IT WAS A LOSS.

7 years later I find that I still keep this information to myself and if you’re someone who has shared your loss with me and I did not reciprocate I am sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you feel alone, I just didn’t want you to think I was comparing my pain to yours. I think it’s a betrayal to so many that know the loss of a pregnancy to continue on this way. It’s a betrayal to myself and the soul that was lost as well. I never compare my journey with anyone else’s so my loss and my pain should be no different. The person I am won’t ever live in the pain, won’t ever live in the past, but today I’m choosing to feel it and to honor it.

Ladies if you have felt what I felt, I know what you are going through. I also know that often times you don’t let yourself feel it. Today please know you’re not alone and also know that any loss is worth honoring. Your loss has not been erased by all that you have gained in your life. You can feel gratitude and joy all while acknowledging any pain. Pain is pain, a loss is a loss.

The Enlightened Mama

This entry was posted on October 15, 2015. 5 Comments

“I won’t let anyone blow it out, I’m gonna let it shine”


I’ve had a hard time writing lately. I never TRY to write. I usually just have something going on in my own life and then I work to overcome it and then I share it with others. And a lot of the time I read or hear something and I just NEED to share it. So it’s not that the inspiration is not there, it’s just that I can appreciate the fact that there is a lot of bad stuff going on in the world and sometimes me sitting here talking about meditating just can’t be taken seriously. It isn’t that I care what people think, I mean I think I prove that by putting my innermost thoughts in such a public forum, I just think it’s that I empathize and I understand how hard it can be to remain positive given the state of the world. There is SO much negativity going on right now. It’s overwhelming; its suffocating. Not only do I hear about it on the news (which I try my hardest not to watch) but then it’s perpetuated on social media. We are all entitled to our opinions but sometimes when you think you see the answers so clearly and someone thinks a completely different way it stirs up emotion inside. As overused as this ridiculous term is (which by the way I say all the time), I literally can’t even with how hateful some human beings can be. And you know what no one realizes? That hateful energy is ALL the same. Even when you think your type of hateful energy is justified. The horrific acts of violence committed in other parts of the world stem from the same collective negative energy that allows people in a more privileged world to say “hey sorry for your troubles but we have enough of our own…you’re not welcome here. Even if it’s saving your lives, even if it’s saving the lives of your children.” And that’s just a sliver of what I’m feeling lately.

What’s super hard for me is that I think I know the answer to the hate, the unjustices and the turmoil in the world. It is so simple but yet so complicated to share with others. My answer is that it starts within, it starts in the home. Model love, peace and acceptance for your children and it’ll seep into the world. A world in turmoil is a DIRECT metaphor for the mental pain and anger individuals carry. A metaphor for what they’re taught in their homes. I know a lot of people probably don’t want to hear that from me. I’m sure it sounds like I’m just a dreamer who plays in fields of daisies all day…not true. Well the dreamer part is. And if my 4 children allowed me to play in a field of daisies all day I probably would, but whatever. So in feeling that people didn’t want to hear this right now, you know what I did? I went against everything I believed in and dimmed my light. I kept hidden in my mind the things I want to share with whoever I can reach. I didn’t want to disrespect anyone’s pain. Even a week ago I got half way through a blog about spiritual partnerships and hit delete. It was a good one by the way! I’m going to re-write it. I didn’t think it’s what people wanted to hear. Within the depths of my soul I know that keeping what I have to share from the world is a betrayal to my creation.

Just yesterday there was yet another act of extreme violence against humanity in America and I decided I NEED to share my light, no matter how trivial it seems to some or how it is recieved. Remember what Wayne Dyer said, “don’t die with your music still inside.” I heard something recently on Super Soul Sunday that I held in my mind and wanted to share and couldn’t find the right place for it. Weeks later I still can’t let it go and I feel so compelled to share it. It was a discussion with Iyanla Vanzant. Do you know her? She is so incredibly awesome. Loud and over the top and “tell it like it is” but when you really listen to what she says, she is so wise. I encountered her during that amazing experience a year ago when I met Oprah, and just like Oprah I swear she had an aura around her that just screamed “listen to me!” There are certain people you are pulled to and when they speak you listen. So anyway, this women has been really through it. Even the deepest most darkest pain you can imagine…she lost her daughter. When she talks about how to deal with pain you know she is speaking from experience. For this specific discussion she was talking about the hate and problems in the world. War, refugees, gun violence, inequality, sexual violence, all of it; and she compared it to a wound. She explained how if you have a bad wound, the infection needs to come out. The blood and whatever else is in there needs to seep out and then it will scab over, HEAL and disappear. You may have a memory of the pain, but it’s not there anymore. Maybe it will have a scar, maybe not. The world is wounded, but we are so close to healing. We are at a turning point. It doesn’t seem like it but there is SO MUCH LIGHT in this world. Young adults and children being born are more spiritually evolved than ever before. Public figures that at one time would’ve never received any recognition and (dare I say) elected officials that once would’ve never stood a chance have a platform to share their ideas and are poised to assist the human race towards healing, towards enlightenment. We are supposed to be changing and growing and evolving. The old ways are not working for us, so let’s not cling to them. That’s the fear speaking. Again I know it doesn’t seem this way, but I believe all of it is true. What we are experiencing is the bad shit coming out. It’s giving us an opportunity to bring forth our best.

I may not be able to offer any real or tangible solutions to the problems of the world but I can offer you this; DONT STOP SHINING YOUR LIGHT. Hang on tight and bring your love to the hate. Don’t let the fear win. The fear brings anger and hatred and perpetuates the bad shit. Bring the good shit. If we become defeated by the negativity we aren’t living out our PURPOSE. Maybe you are a legislator, maybe you are a teacher, a writer, a parent, whatever your role is, bring who you really are to that role (that is love, joy, peace, acceptance) and you are doing your part to turn the light up. I don’t care if baking is your version of light. Cakes make people happy (I’m one of them). The darkness will not survive, it won’t win, it can’t.

So I think today I am taking a bit of my own advice. I’m not going to stop being loving and peaceful beacuse society has lead me to believe it makes me naive or in some way disrespects the plight of the world. Maybe sharing with someone else a book on how to help your children become great adults is what I have to give at this moment, but it’s something. It doesn’t matter if it seems that I can’t really make a difference or that I’m insignificant….but I’m doing my part. I’m instilling things in my children everyday for them to spread to the world and I’m sharing MY version of light. Please do the same with me. Don’t let the darkness blur your sight. The world needs healing. Shine the light, eventually it’ll brighten the path for all of us.

The Enlightened Mama

This entry was posted on October 2, 2015. 4 Comments