I’ve started to say no to things lately. Not like a negative no (yeah I know that’s an oxymoron), but more of a “I’m taking my life back” no. Every now and then when you feel resentful of your commitments or completely depleted of your creative energy it’s time to examine the way you are living your life. I like to think I’m a person who lives life on my own terms but I also have a lot of passion. With that passion comes this little voice inside my head that wants me to do it ALL. All of the time. Combine that with an underlying need to please and one can really exhaust themselves.
I remember something Oprah said when she had her talk show that really stuck with me. And yes I know I reference Oprah all the time, but she totally gets “it.” I believe the discussion was about the fact that she had this big, grand, over the top life but did not have any children, something of course that she decided was best for herself, and she said “you can have it all…just not at the same time.” This little piece of advice has lead me to make so pretty big decisions in my life and more than that be at peace with them. A major one regarding my work choices. I love my chosen career as an Occupational Therapist, but RIGHT now, I’m want to stay home and raise my kids. Sure the luxury of two incomes would be fabulous, but I can have that at another time too. I mean while we’re at it, I also love the idea of sleep. BUT more than that I want to raise a big family, so RIGHT now, that choice puts a damper on those zzz’s. That’ll come later too, and probably a lot sooner than my mind can comprehend. Obviously the choice is different for everyone and I’m sure there are a lot of people that are much better at balancing than me. No one can say what the choice should be for others. We all bring different talents and passions to this world and that’s what makes it go ’round.
This sage advice leads me back to what I’m feeling right now. I have a lot of roles in my life and that’s great but for me personally when I feel like my energy levels for my main role as mom to 4 small kids (and ALL that goes with that) are depleted, I need to re-examine what I’m doing. Like what is the point of me staying home with them if I have my hand in a million different things all of which take the energy I need to be an engaged parent? And it’s not like I’m saying you should say no to everything and only commit yourself to one thing, that would be unrealistic, I’m just saying that when you feel resentful over commitments to people and things I think that’s your subconscious mind alerting you to the fact that your energy is best spent some place else. Some people need to have a busy, big, full life to feel alive…but if you are so worn out from things that don’t fulfill you that it leaves little to give to the things that do fulfill you, time to make a change. And what fulfills you can change daily…just go with it.
I don’t completely have those rose colored glasses super glued to my face. I get that there are jobs and other commitments that people can’t give up given their current situation. I just think that every day you should center yourself and examine if there are things in your life that you give your time and energy to that just aren’t worth it. And maybe there is a bigger picture that will take time to work towards, just align your actions with that and it will surely manifest.
I remember reading somewhere that when what you believe to be true in your heart and what you DO do not match, that will be your biggest source of stress and unhappiness. Find what makes your heart sing and TRY to give your energy to that. It’s about the small decisions every day that make you a loving, giving, fulfilled person. It doesn’t have to be about exhausting your heart and soul. And for me, even if some days my only loving actions all day are raising decent people to send out into this world, well then cheers to THAT.
The Enlightened Mama