Archive | August 2015

Giving More and Expecting Less

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As the years pass by it has become more and more apparent to me how important it is to be who you are and to bring it to every interaction. To be so sure and so strong in your sense of self that nothing can alter the way you behave or the way you treat another person. I think at the core of so much conflict amongst one another is that we all expect people to do and give in exactly the same way that we do. We get discouraged when we put out a level of effort, or energy as I like to think of it, and we don’t feel as if it is being reciprocated. And often times the conflict arises without any communication at all. It’s like we have this unwritten rule with others, they don’t follow it, and then we get mad. That doesn’t sound very fair and it certainly won’t bring you any peace. I was thinking about this recently and I believe I know the answer. Ready for it? It doesn’t matter! And by no means am I saying this in an apathetic way, quite the opposite actually. It doesn’t matter because you can’t be in charge of what someone else gives to you in a relationship. What matters is what you give to them.

When I say give, obviously I’m not talking about things, I’m talking about the part of yourself that you give to others in all of your interactions. The energy you give away. Ask yourself this: Who am I? What do I want to bring to this interaction? What impression do I want to leave this person with? How do I want other people to feel? And NOT the Ego part of you. Not the part that thinks how wonderful you want people to view you as. The true you. Loving, compassionate, understanding, accepting, encouraging. I swear that we, as human beings, waste so much energy on what we can get out of another person that we aren’t ever really listening to one another. Like really listening and then there is no real, genuine exchange. Try to treat everyone you meet as if you are having a spiritual exchange. Have NO thoughts whatsoever other than bringing your light and your spirit to the other person. THIS is an authentic relationship. See how this changes your life.

I know you all know someone that seems to dump all of their problems on you. Or people that we always do favors for with nothing in return. Maybe it’s even those people that only criticize you or complain about others in your presence. Even something as trivial as holding the door for that doll face that doesn’t say “thank you.” I know, I know, this one gets me too, but don’t be reduced by that person. Don’t stop holding the door because one person didn’t respond in the way you expected. Actually, with all of these circumstances, try to look at it as an opportunity where you are shown the way to use your light to encourage others. You are being given a chance to give away your positivity. You might even be giving that person something that they need, even if that’s never revealed to you. Just as a side note my real understanding is that we actually don’t need anything from others that we can’t provide for ourselves, and then magically when we understand and accept that, we happen to receive it from others as well. That’s for another post though.

The relationships in your life where both people are giving their true self in a comparable way are the authentic relationships. They are positive and good for your soul and you should spend more time with these people. These are the people that fill you up with love and confidence and understanding so that you can use that and give it away to others. You feel uplifted, nurtured and inspired after interactions with these people. NOT depleted. I am beyond blessed that not only does my spouse happen to be one of these people for me but that I also have some amazing friends and family that I have truly authentic relationships with. I don’t think that this is a mistake. The more positive and uplifting energy I give out the more I am surrounded by the same.

Think of parenting for a minute. For the most part it’s pretty thankless but most of us aren’t affected by that. We are more than thrilled to give away every ounce of love and understanding that we have to our children and really don’t need much in return. Of course those beautiful moments when you can see that what you are doing is working or when you do actually get thanked, feel great, but most of us don’t need it. We have so much love to give away to our kids that we aren’t setting some specific standard of what they will give back to us. My 2 year old could be throwing some ridiculous tantrum because, gasp, I put the straw in her yogurt smoothie and forgot to let her do it, but not once do I say to myself, “do you believe this chick??? I’ve had it, I’m done with her. I give my heart and soul every day and now she is betraying me. The nerve. I’m going to give her a piece of my mind.” No, that’s completely ridiculous. She’s 2. She’s my child. I love her through it. We (well, most of us) love our kids through it all. Imagine if we treated all relationships that way? This planet would be in a whole hell of a lot better shape.

Let me please add that part of being true to yourself is understanding how valuable you are and how worthy of peace and love you are. Giving away love doesn’t mean excusing poor behavior. You are created out of the energy of God, which to me is actually love, and if someone else is completely dismissive of this, they aren’t good for you. Try as much as you can to create space and time with this person. Limit your interactions if you can, but still BE YOU when you must interact with them. Never allow yourself to be mistreated or used. If you are strong in who you are and have an undeniable inner confidence you won’t allow a person like this to chip away at your spirit. You’re betraying yourself and your heart if you do this. Choose instead to spend your precious time on earth with those that inspire your best you.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. Try your best to give the most spiritual parts of yourself to everyone you come in contact with today…without expecting them to do the same. You might be pleasantly surprised.

The Enlightened Mama ❤️

This entry was posted on August 1, 2015. 1 Comment