I sit here with extreme gratitude for my newest child. Less than 2 weeks ago I brought my 4th child, 3rd daughter, into the world. And I literally mean brought. The doctor who delivered my daughter had me reach down and assist pulling my child from my body, lifting her to my chest. My god I will never forget that moment as long as I live. It doesn’t matter how your child came into your life… whether it was from your body, surrogacy or adoption… if you are a parent you KNOW that overwhelming incredible feeling of love you instantly have for this little being that you never met. I remember when I had my son (my first child) when his eyes locked with my mine I had this feeling of “I know you.” It was like I instantly knew that he was mine for a reason and reminded me of how nothing in life is accidental. I’ve continued to have that feeling 4x’s over and it only gets stronger and deeper. It’s a little scary isn’t it? It’s huge. I could weep thinking of it. Ok so I’m also 10 days postpartum and wept at a Full House episode that my 5 year old was watching last night, but even sans hormones the thought of the love I have for my children will stir emotions deep down within the depths of my soul. And I’m sorry but Stephanie was the only one at the sleepover without a Mom, I mean she had to go with Joey of all people. That’s sad for even a robotic heart to watch!
I’ve mentioned several times before on this blog that being a mother is a spiritual practice for me. That may seem far out there to some but if you think about it any experience you encounter in life can provide the opportunity for you to grow spiritually; and at the forefront of my life right now is being a mother to small children. I can’t help but think that the love that is so accessible when it comes to our offspring could be capable of so much more. The bottom line is, it’s there within us. We are capable of it. So shouldn’t we try to take that same loving energy and use it as much as humanly possible and not just to those that we deem worthy?
No matter how many books I’ve read, not matter how far on my spiritual path I think I may be, sometimes I get these thoughts that help me to realize that I am just scratching the surface, just beginning to pull the layers back of all there is to know. So it brings me back to the love and acceptance I am so easily able to share with my children. Since I began having kids I try (and really sometimes all I can do is try) to remind myself of this pure, divine loving energy within my heart. My mind might tell me it’s for my kids and my kids alone, but deep within my heart I know that my kids are here to remind me to be the absolute best person I can. They are here to show me that the heart is capable of so much more. How many quotes do we read and share about giving out love and being peaceful? Well it’s quite easy to do this with people the Ego judges as deserving. What if we removed the judgement? What if every single day, every single step we decided to return to this place in our soul where the purest love comes from and just LIVE there? Love is a way of life. Love is a way of bein…and truthfully I’m beginning to think it is the greater purpose and the answer to all of this.
I understand this won’t be easy. It’s FAR more natural for my heart to beat for the little being that just came from within my body than it is to love a person that just threw hurtful words my way…I TOTALLY get that. I am in no way perfect or have it all figured out, I’m just suggesting that the feelings we have for our children are a place we can return to when we don’t know what else to do. When we don’t know how to respond to someone or something. When we’re tired and cranky. When our feelings and our Egos are hurt. Return to this place. It’s there. We are capable of it because it’s the love that created us and it’s where we came from. It’s been covered up by unnecessary hurt and pain that comes with being a human but it’s there. Our children help uncover it for us.
To those who don’t have children you have the ability to love this way as well, I’m just speaking my truth and the ways in which my children have enhanced my spiritual journey. And to everyone who has been a new mom and is wondering if I’m feeling this blissful 24/7, the answer is no. We all know of the hormonal fluctuations that follow having a baby and I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking that I have rainbows and butterflies shooting out of my ears (I wanted to say ass but I was thinking I shouldn’t dirty up this specific post. I just did, didn’t I?). I had one of those exhausting moments the other day where I was looking at my newborn daughter and I started to cry and I think that my exact emotion was “I feel terrible that I brought such a sweet innocent soul into such a harsh world”. Like I was literally apologizing to her. A little sleep and some soul searching later I’m reminded not to attach to that Ego based fear. Instead I choose to go with the love….it is my true nature after all. Thank you to my children for showing me the way.
The Enlightened Mama