Archive | April 2015

Letting Go of Illusions

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I am a total believer in synchronicity. You know how things, people or conversations just show up right when it’s something you need? Don’t ignore this. Pay close attention and the universe will continue to send opportunities for growth. Open you heart, eyes and mind and you will see the ways in which the things you need will appear before you.

The other day my sister and I were having a conversation about a personal topic that was upsetting and I told her that my opinion was that sometimes people have a whole story painted in their heads and no matter what you do or don’t do they will interpret every word and action to fit their scenario…it’s a no win situation and it’s more beneficial to focus on your own actions and who you know that you are. It’s better to spend our energy doing the best we can instead of trying to convince others of who we are. This is a belief I’ve formulated on my own but I’m sure that it’s come from bits and pieces of things I have read or heard along the way. It’s quite a limiting way to live, and I’m sure in the past I have been guilty, but I’ve learned that it’s damaging to relationships and it’s damaging to your heart to label everyone and everything based on some story you’ve been telling yourself for years. Interestingly enough, my sister went on to tell me that literally the night before she had seen author Brene Brown speak about the EXACT same topic. I’ve heard of her and seen her on Oprah before but never heard her thoughts on this subject. She basically told me that Brene spoke about how we have these narratives and regardless of what is actually going on around us we allow our minds to interpret things to fit this narrative. Super ironic. It kind of made me think that there is either some lesson I need from this conversation showing up or there is something I can share with others and maybe it will help someone reading this.

Think about your life and your relationships. No matter how hard we try to be the best we can be or how “enlightened” we may think that we have become, I am pretty certain that there is at least one scenario in your life where you can identify the ways in which you do this. The ways in which you label, judge and create illusions and blockages (basically fears) of other people and situations. We all KNOW there are people that do that to us, but that’s not our concern. We can’t really change that for them, they need to do it for themselves. Let’s spend our energy on OUR journey. Think of how limiting this can be. If you have some assumption or judgement of another it won’t matter what they say or do or who they truly are, you (the Ego part of your identity) are going to cling to the one thing they say or do that fits your illusion.

People unfortunately do this with their kids all of the time. It’s so easy to want to label and define everything about them. We want to either make them unique or explain their behavior to others. Our intentions are well meaning but this can limit their potential in life. She’s shy, he’s a troublemaker, he’s just not that athletic, he’s too sensitive, she’s not very coordinated, she’s a bookworm, he’s not very academic, thank god she’s pretty, she’s not much of a looker, he’ll never be any good at that, she’s bossy…you get the idea. Even the things that seem complimentary can be limiting. Children change, grow and evolve just the way the are intended to and one day when they don’t fit the “story” that they’ve always been told it’s going to be difficult for them. They won’t know who they are and they will search for validation from those around them. They will have a limited view of themselves and the world.

So what can we do about this? I think living in every moment with an open heart and open mind is your best start. Just EXPERIENCE life. Experience every situation and person right here and right now without letting your mind control your view of the world. Try to let your heart do that. I understand we all have a personal history, but unless someone has very seriously harmed you, it might not be such a bad idea to use a new set of eyes to view people and situations. People make mistakes, people change. And you know what else? Sometimes those stories we paint are completely baseless! Maybe we’ve decided someone was a liar based on gossip we had heard. Maybe we have formed the idea that someone was an asshole because of one small mis-communication and now we completely close our hearts to that person. Whatever your narrative is try to investigate where it comes from. Is it logical? Is it helping or hindering your growth?

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This won’t be easy. The Ego just LOVES to label and judge and separate from others, but you owe it yourself to live a life of fullness. Don’t close yourself off to a life full of connection and love because your imagination has created a fearful and negavtive view of the world and those around you. And what I always try to come back to…your children will SEE what you do no matter what you tell them. They are so observant and if they grow up with adults who can live with their hearts wide open they will do the same.

Love,
The Enlightned Mama