Archive | August 2014

“Dying To Be Me”

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Wayne Dyer told me to read this book. Well maybe he told millions of others too but I like to pretend that we have a personal relationship. We’re friends in my head. Did you know Jennifer Lawrence is my friend too? Anyway, when Wayne tells me to do something, I do it. Just don’t tell him that. If and when we ever meet I’d like to keep my cool.

I absolutely loved this book. The message is SO powerful. Anita Moorjani had a near death experience and when she came back to this realm she had some pretty fascinating information to share. You should go read it….I know you’ll love it! If you’re thinking that the idea of a near death experience is too “out there” for you, read the book anyway. It’s very convincing and Anita has many details that make her story seem pretty valid….to me anyway.

The basic idea that I want to share from the book is about being yourself and staying true to the person you were supposed to be in this lifetime. Anita lived her whole life for others. She tried to live up to every standard her parents, her culture and society set up for her. She was a people pleaser. She was suffocating on the inside because she wasn’t living her “truth.” She actually believes her illness was in direct relation to the imbalance of her inner world vs. her outer world.

A lot of us can relate to this, women especially. We are so busy trying to be who and what everyone else wants for us that we neglect who we are to our core. We all have a unique spirit sent here to live a unique life. Isn’t it sad to think you could live your whole life for someone else? Part of the problem is that a lot of us aren’t even sure who we are. It’s been so buried under layers and layers of “fear.” Fear of what others will think, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. If you feel a void in your life, if you have self-destructive behavior, addiction problems, relationship problems…I’d be willing to bet that there is a part of you that you are not honoring. There is a part of your soul that you haven’t shared with the world. As Wayne Dyer puts it, “don’t die with the music still in you.”

For me, this relates to parenting immensely. We all have such big dreams for who our children will be. What if I told you that doesn’t really matter? I absolutely believe we are given children to help them grow and provide guidance and to provide boundaries when they are young. But “who” they are can never really be determined by us. They come here with their own uniqueness. Their own light to share with the world. We should help facilitate that, but don’t ever try to change who they are to their core. It makes me think of that song I used to sing in pre-school “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.” And of course most importantly, “I won’t let anyone blow it out, I’m gonna let it shine.” You get the idea. BTW I know you all just sang that. That song has literally always brought a tear to my eye. I don’t think I ever knew why, but now I’m pretty certain it was speaking to a truth inside of me that I was at the time unaware of.

Listen, I totally get that this belief of mine is going to be strongly tested when my children are teenagers and again when they are adults. And I’m not saying you just let them make any choice they see fit. Obviously we are here to raise them, and any behavior that is self-destructive or unkind to others is NOT being true to their light, so by all means this is where we intervene. But their interests, hobbies, where they want to go to college, IF they want to go to college, what they want to “be”, who they marry, which gender they are attracted to, etc.  can not be determined by us as their parents. Those are things they need to figure on their own, the part of them that they came here with. We can help them figure that out, but never dictate it. I refuse to let my children, and my daughters specifically, be pigeon holed into a set of standards. I at one point felt like a people pleasing, doormat and I don’t want that for them.

My oldest child who is a boy is sweet and innocent and VERY sensitive. My older daughter is what I like to call passionate. SUCH a lover, lives life to the fullest and can at times be stubborn (she’s like her Daddy). My youngest daughter is as sweet as sugar but can be really shy. You have to work for her affection, but once you get it, man will she LOVE you. My point in sharing that is that they are all different. Some traits are like mine or closer to how I think a little boy or girl “should” be, and some of their traits certainly are not. And guess what? My opinion on the matter means not a whole hell of a lot. What matters is that I give them the support and guidance to be who they already know that they are. I don’t want to change them.

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If you get a chance to read the book let me know what you think!  There’s also some pretty interesting details of “heaven.”  I put that in quotes because Anita believes this is a state and not a place. Pretty fascinating stuff!

Have a great day and stay true to who you are!

The Enlightened Mama

This entry was posted on August 25, 2014. 4 Comments

The Power of Now

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This book is everything. It speaks directly to my heart. Did you ever read or hear something that just clicked? Like you’ve probably known it all along it’s just been hidden under the layers of the drama of life. That is this book. I first read it about 8 years ago. I “got” it then, but when I just re-read it within the past year I “got” it even more.

It would take me 1,000 posts to delve into the nitty gritty of this book, so I encourage you all to read it. And not just read it, but absorb it and put it into practice. If you are just awakening to your spirituality it will open your mind to some really great ideas and if you are well on your way it will only facilitate your growth. Essentially it is about how all we ever have is the present moment. The past and the future are figments of the imagination. They are located in the mind. Anything that ever happened, happened in the “now.”

Why is this important? Because as Eckart Tolle says, “all negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry-all forms of fear-are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non forgiveness are cause by too much past, and not enough presence.”

You know how serene it feels to be around a new born? Or how babies are so happy and so enchanted by the smallest things? It’s because they have that pure divine energy within. It is not yet clouded by the mind. They live fully present. They have no perception of “time.” They aren’t obsessing over something that happened yesterday and they aren’t fearful of what will happen tomorrow. We as adults put those illusions into their mind as they grow. I like to be around babies because their energy is so uplifting, it’s like they immediately center you and bring you into awareness; the same can be said for animals.

Think about parenting small children. It’s not like every, single second is rainbows and butterflies, but when you clear your mind of thought and bring your awareness to each moment with your child it is so peaceful and so joyful. This means that a simple moment of eating a meal with your child can be just as fulfilling as watching them excel at a sport or hobby or as fulfilling as doing something really exciting like going on vacation together.

You will often hear older generations of parents tell us young parents to enjoy every moment of our children when they are small because it goes by so quickly. In part being “present” for their childhood is what they are saying and they are right! And if you are a parent to older children (or even adult children) and are missing those days, then this applies to you as well. There is no use in getting all up in your mind and wishing things were the way they used to be, just bring your awareness to the present. Enjoy each and every “season” of your life. Before you know it this life will come to an end and don’t you want to say you enjoyed as much of it as you possibly could?

For those of you that might be going through some pretty tough things right now, please know I am not in any way dismissing this; It’s just that by being in the “now” you are accepting and surrendering to this very moment. If you believe (like I do) that every moment unfolds just the way it is intended to, you can be present and accept what Eckart calls the “isness” of the situation.

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Well since I have 2 children needing breakfast and 1 needing a new diaper I better bring my ass into the now and get to it!

Live in the moment!

The Enlightened Mama

 

 

This entry was posted on August 24, 2014. 6 Comments

Be “for” it

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I’ve always loved this quote, one of my faves. You’ll hear me quote Wayne Dyer a lot. I have read almost all of his books and his ideas speak directly to my heart. I truly say this with the least amount of judgement possible, but I’ve been thinking lately about the energy people put into things. Some people are so strongly against something when they should really put that same amount of energy into being FOR something. Really, think about it. Like this ice bucket challenge in support of ALS. I have seen several posts circulating on FB about how it’s not helping others or even things saying it’s “stupid.” That’s fine if you don’t want to support it, but instead of sending out negative, contrary energy into the atmosphere just try supporting something else instead. Maybe you just want to donate the money. Or maybe there is another cause near and dear to your heart you feel the urge to support. Share what you are doing with others in order to encourage, but don’t judge how they are using their positive energy. Or don’t share it; Practice humility and keep it to yourself.

I try to use this idea when dealing with my children. Obviously I try to use more basic terms but the idea is the same. When my son is thoroughly offended by the fact that my daughter’s toes are brushing up against his legs on the couch I try to encourage being “for” personal space as opposed to being “against” her inability to keep her extremities to herself (you all know you have that one kid). This way he can kindly share with her what he would like her to do and not angrily tell her what she needs to stop doing.

When it comes to how I live my life I use this philosophy as much as possible. I am human and there are certainly things people do that I don’t care for and there is a lot of unjust things going on in the world that could infuriate me. When I feel myself using negative energy to think about these things I try to change my outlook and instead focus on what I can do to spread positivity. I might be against a behavior in another person but I try to immediately change that into being for love and light in the world. If I am spreading who I am, instead of wasting time wishing others weren’t a certain way, then I am doing my part to change the energy of the world. That may sound to some that I think I am more important that I truly am, but the secret is that we ALL have that power. One positive thought or act sent out into the universe will most certainly work towards casting out dark with the light. Do I get the urge to tell my husband he made the bed wrong? Sure do! But instead of acting on that egotistical thought, I redirect my energy into being FOR the fact that I have a helpful, caring husband that wants to contribute to the household.

Try this today. When you feel that negativity rising within, knock that little bitch out with some positive vibes. What are you for today?

I am FOR all of you being the best that you can,

The Enlightened Mama

This entry was posted on August 23, 2014. 2 Comments

“Om”

So who meditates? I have to say, this did not come easy for me! When I first started meditating I think I just wanted to jump on the hipster band wagon and walk the walk so to speak. It never worked for me. The mind took over each and every time. Thoughts of what I SHOULD be doing or how I had an unread US weekly lying downstairs on the kitchen table would come creeping in. I remember frequently thinking, this can’t be a real thing, can it? Guess what? It IS a REAL thing! And it has contributed so much to my inner peace and calmness.

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Being home with 3 small kids can make any mama loca in la cabeza and we all need our happy place. Not that I don’t love a glass of vino after a long day, but I think there’s a much more natural and healthy way you can get there. Meditating is all about being in the moment and clearing your mind of, well, your mind. Your mind is not you, your thoughts are not you. While the mind can be a very useful tool to help you get through your life, the moment you believe that it is your true self you have lost your way. The deep inner place of love and peace and non-judgement is you; soul or spirit if you want a label for it. Meditating WILL put you in touch with that place.

All you need a is a quiet place and a few free minutes. Or and hour if you have it! I try to start my mornings like this so I can interact with my children in a loving and calm manner. Sometimes if I’m having a particularly emotional or difficult day I try to stop and meditate. You can even mediate on a problem you’re having, maybe the answer will come to you. If this seems so far out and unattainable to you just try each day to take one minute and be in stillness. If a thought pops in your head immediately redirect your attention to your inner being and be free of thought. When I first started I used Wayne Dyer’s “Wishes Fulfilled Meditation.” You can get it on iTunes. Give it a try!

I’ve actually tried to introduce my children to meditation. I don’t really label it with any words they just know that we set aside time for them to be still and quiet and feel who they are from the inside. I hope this becomes a daily practice for them as they get older. I mean if you think about it, it’s not such a foreign idea. How many of you use time outs for discipline? I do. And I never make it about the fact that my children are “bad” or need to be “punished”, it’s more about taking the time to sit and reflect and adjust their behavior. Once they are able to willfully clear their mind this too can be categorized as a type of meditation. What tired mommy wouldn’t love to have a time out?

Happy Meditating,

The Enlightened Mama

This entry was posted on August 22, 2014. 2 Comments

The idea behind “enlightened mama”

If you look enlightened up on wikitionary.com it means “a concept in spirituality, philosophy and psychology related to achieving clarity of perception, reason and knowledge” . Partially derived from various spiritual books I have read over the years and partially from my own inner knowing, enlightened to me means to be completely one with our soul and to understand who we are and why we are here. It’s to come from a place of love, peace and acceptance in every situation in your life. In various Eastern religions the idea of enlightenment is the overarching goal of the spiritual journey. Author and spiritual guru Deepak Chopra says enlightenment is “a state of complete bliss and fulfillment, so whatever the enlightened person does it is from a state of joy, not fear or loss.”

I think I began my path to enlightenment in my early 20’s. It started with a fairly unhealthy obsession with psychics. Not that psychics are unhealthy in general, but when you spend ridiculous amounts of money on them or drive to and from Connecticut in one afternoon for a reading, you MIGHT be bordering unhealthy. About that Connecticut thing, I think it’s best for all parties involved that I don’t name any names…Ok fine it was ME…And my friend Erin. If you are from the tri-state area, can you picture two naive 23 year olds driving over the George Washington Bridge?

NOW it’s SO clear to me what I was searching for THEN. I was starting to feel a deep connection to my soul and wanted to know who I truly was and why I was here. Over the past decade I have read many books from various spiritual authors and philosophers (I plan to share all of my favorites) and I’ve also been through some difficult times that have forced me to face who I was to the core. I’m still on my journey, but I feel as close to those answers as ever. I know that what I say might not be important but I truly feel like I have SOMETHING to say. More and more I feel inspired to share my ideas and how I live by them and raise my family by them. At this particular point in my life I view motherhood as my spiritual practice, but you can bring your spirituality to anything you are doing at any moment in your life, so my hope is that many people can relate to my ideas. I think that’s what I’m trying to do with this blog. Share who I am and hopefully inspire some others to feel the peace and happiness I feel more and more everyday. I try to raise my children with it and encourage others to do the same.

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I am probably as dynamic as they come. I love animals and to be in nature and I can commit a ridiculous amount of time to my couch and an afternoon of trashy reality TV. I am super passionate about being healthy and fit and strong and equally as passionate about good food and drink; I mean they don’t call me Margarita Molly for nothing. I have spent as much free time reading various inspirational texts as I have completely binge watching the entire series of Breaking Bad AND House of Cards AND Orange is the New Black AND True Detective. By the way if you haven’t watched Breaking Bad please stop reading. Really. Do yourself a favor and go put your energy into probably the best piece of television I have ever experienced. I digress. I studied SO hard to obtain both a Bachelor’s Degree and a Master’s Degree in Occupational Therapy and immediately upon graduating started my family and knew I wanted to be home with the kids. At times I would almost feel a little lost because I could never pin point exactly who I was. What I’ve come to realize is that although I may seem a little all over the place it’s really that I have always followed my heart.  I do what I love every single day and do it from a place of peace. I AM love and I AM peace, it doesn’t matter so much how I choose to spend my time here. I no longer search for who I am, I just AM that person. I put all of my energy into positivity. I want everyone to feel as happy and as grounded as I do. I feel ENLIGHTENED!

I really believe if you are loving and kind and have a positive intention you can do and be whatever you want! It’s not that I don’t have bad days or I haven’t gone through seriously hard times in my life or even that my kids don’t push me to the brink sometimes, it’s just that I know all of that negative stuff is just put here as a test. We are here to learn and EVERY moment is an opportunity to grow into exactly who you are supposed to be. If I’m not feeling particularly warm and fuzzy about a situation I try to just accept it for what it is and move on. We are supposed to love from a deep soulful place and bring it to our every move. A baby up all night, a confrontation with a family member or old bay seasoning in your oatmeal (true story) are all things put in your way to test the strength of the spirit and to promote growth. Think about a negative situation in your life right now? Can you change it? If so do it! If not, try to face it as a lesson to help your spirit grow and evolve. Especially us moms who give so much daily that it can drain every ounce of energy, just try to be present in each moment with your children and bring your light to whatever your interaction might be. I hope you are all finding yourself on the path to enlightenment.

Peace and Love,

The Enlightened Mama