Self-love seems to be the craze these days; the newest buzz word. I’m not undermining it in the least, yes of course we should all be loving ourselves. It isn’t a bad thing. It comes off of the heels of decades of not loving ourselves so it is a complete step in the right direction. But, what happens when the focus is too much on SELF? We already are love, it’s what we are made of. It’s more about what we are all trying so hard to uncover. That’s the real self-love we are looking for. But as humans usually do we confuse it because we are so clouded and insecure that we cling to our Ego’s and we search desperately for so much outside validation. And then? This whole beautiful message of loving yourself becomes all about loving our appearances. Along with our confusion comes the need to order and organize and so we like to label and objectify, and somewhere along the lines we confused the LOVE OF SELF with “self-love” and we confused being creatures of love with making sure we first love the way we look.
YESSSSSS. Love the shit out of how you look. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your outward appearance, but where do we truly want the majority of our energy to go? I know it sounds ridiculously cliché, but we must first focus on getting the inside right. And believe it or not, in the most miraculous and ironic way, when you truly like who you ARE, you begin to like how you look because it becomes less important. It becomes a secondary focus and a natural acceptance of yourself. You also begin to care less and less about making sure everyone knows how much you like how you look or that they like the way you look too. That sentence just sounds exhausting doesn’t ? Let’s just stop doing it. If every selfie and bikini shot, every angle and filter we obsess over is shared in the hopes of acceptance and approval we have a little dusting off to do on those insides. Don’t we?
How do we achieve the internal “self-love” that the external one will NEVER substitute for? Well, it’s kind of simple. We love and we love hard. We forgive. We accept. We seek to understand. We have compassion and empathy. We are inclusive. We serve. We simplify. We give. We LISTEN. We connect. We follow our purpose and our dreams. We share our hearts and our creativity with the world. We become less self-involved and more involved, period.
Love your bodies, love your faces, love your booties, your cleavage, your make-up, your gym bod, your clothes and shoes and whatever else you use on the outside to express yourself. Love all of it. Share it with the world. But try to remember that NONE of it will ever mean anything, so it doesn’t mean anything right now. It will never help you to fulfill that sense of seeking we all feel. That little nudging on the inside that always leaves you feeling a little dissatisfied. You all know the feeling I’m describing, and all of that outside seeking of approval aims to satisfy it. That fulfillment will only ever come from one thing. That comes by fulfilling your true purpose…and your sole purpose (and your soul purpose) is to love. Take all of that SELF out of self-love and what are we left with? That way our love is real, it’s not fictional, it’s not obsessive, it’s not feigned for social media and it’s not shallow or meaningless. It has less to do with how we feel about ourselves and more to do with how we feel period. It’s more about what we can give away than what we can give to ourselves.
Please know that I am not immune to any of this. It is so deeply conditioned in us that it becomes a process of undoing. The truth becomes clearer to see the further I get in my journey and I so badly want to instill it in my kids. Love yourself. But don’t confuse that message with all of the things that simply don’t matter. Our bodies are merely the vessel we use to take us through this human journey. Respect them and love them and treat them well, but you can do all of that and they will never transition with us to the next place. Utilize your outward appearance as a way to radiate the love you have on the inside and self-love no longer become something we strive for, it becomes who we are. Who we have always been.